The great miracle cure: Five ways to love yourself

The great miracle cure: Five ways to love yourself

0fd4836257f54a94b1cdb37b84c7708b_XLLove is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”
—Robert Frost

Valentine’s Day is approaching and with that come many thoughts and feelings of love. When speaking of love in the context of all the candy, flowers, gifts and card-giving on this day, we usually refer to the emotion of love with its romantic charm and appeal.

In our minds the emotion of love is very much intertwined with the relationship with our significant other. Be it a partner, lover or spouse, the notion of passionate love has driven human beings since the dawn of time.

As a result, there have been countless songs written about love as well as millions of stories each expressing the human need for love, the absence of it or dramatic encounters with it.

“Just gonna stand there and watch me burn,
But that’s all right, because I like the way it hurts.
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry,
But that’s all right, because I love the way you lie.”
—From “Love The Way You Lie,” a love song from the American hip-hop artist Eminem, featuring Rhianna

Couples in counseling are taught that there are always three people in every relationship: two separate, independent individuals plus the relationship itself. In order for the relationship to be healthy, each partner has to be healthy.

But so often when we get involved in love relationships, the opposite occurs. We are not healthy; we’ve accumulated a lot of emotional baggage. We are human, and in being human, we are sometimes tempted to look to others for happiness and joy before we learn how to heal any past hurts or anything blocking us from being emotionally healthy ourselves.

When people haven’t dealt with emotional damage from the past, they often lie to themselves and end up sacrificing their potential healing because they feel they must find it in others. Certainly as human beings we have an innate want for love and acceptance, but we won’t ultimately receive that until we find it within ourselves first.

When we don’t find it in ourselves, we end up hurting our beloved and cause ourselves even more trauma — feeling burned. In doing this we are denying the hidden truth that true love exists within each of us, and only from that beautiful, unconditional loving place can we turn it outward towards others.

“Perfect love casts out fear. If fear exists, then there is not perfect love.”
—A Course in Miracles

Many experts in spirituality, metaphysics and religion suggest that love is the absence of fear. Pam Grout in her book, “E2,” maintains that everything in the universe is energy. We are all energy and our thoughts and actions are as well. What surrounds us, she states, are “infinite possibilities” — an invisible force field of energy that enhances our ability to live authentically and maintain a connection to the whole that is God or the universe within.

Grout explains that our thinking, especially our intentions, are “focused through an integrated whole personality and are like a laser — a single clear beam with the power to create good for ourselves. What we focus on expands, and everything that happens to one particle within the universe happens to the whole.”

In other words, if we can come from a pure and loving place within us, absent of fear and negativity, we can connect to the whole that surrounds us. We have the power to live our lives victim-free as long as we are conscious of it.

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”

As preparation for Valentine’s Day, it is possible for each of us to love ourselves first and then turn that self-love towards others. Many of us struggle with the concept of self-love because most of us have been taught directly or indirectly that we must think of others first. They see it as selfishness and are often genuinely challenged with cultivating and using their self-love.

Here are some important points for each of us to think about when we think of true love that equates to self-love:

  1. Remember that love is the absence of fear, and that means we must learn to know and speak our truth. A client had an epiphany when it was explained to her that sometimes love means not being quiet or afraid of rocking the boat, but rather speaking her own truth from her heart.
  2. Always be open to new, unfamiliar concepts of love. Although love can be a romantic emotion, it also has the power to create our lives like an artist painting a masterpiece on a pure blank canvas through inspired action.
  3. Pure love means we need to go the distance. That includes accepting our own evolution, change and growth. We need to remain committed to that pure love and make sure that we can maintain it so that we can continually move forward, no matter what it takes! This includes taking responsibility for anything blocking us from feeling whole.

“Love is the great miracle cure. Loving yourself works miracles in our lives.”
—Louise Hay

  1. Make sure our own basic needs are met. Otherwise we won’t have the energy to give to others.
  2. We can only center ourselves by connecting to our heart. Our heart allows us access to our own inner spirit and wisdom — the pure force within us.

Jill E. Greinke, MSW, LCSW, SAC, is a holistic psychotherapist and transformational consultant specializing in transformational counseling and coaching, group coaching, workshops, teleconferences, presentations, speaking engagements and consultations. To get her free report, “Five Steps to Miraculous Living,” visit

 This article originally posted Natures Pathways Magazine February 2014


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